It’s been interesting, to say the least, watching Charlie Kirk, a man I didn’t even know existed before he was killed, be hailed as a saint by one side and a villain by the other. 

Personally, I didn’t agree with the majority of what Kirk said. I found some of his words to be reprehensible. But that doesn’t mean he should’ve been killed.

I’ve seen this quote attributed to Kirk online as one of the focal discussion points: “I can’t stand the word empathy, actually. I think empathy is a made-up, new age term that does a lot of damage. Sympathy is a better word because empathy means you are actually feeling what another person felt, and no one can feel what another person felt and no one can feel what another person feels.”

The funny thing is I can only find the second half of this quote by people on social media claiming it to be the full quote. However, in doing my own research, I found the actual clip, where he says this: “I can’t stand the word empathy, actually. I think empathy is a made-up, new age term that — it does a lot of damage. But, it is very effective when it comes to politics. Sympathy, I prefer more than empathy. That’s a separate topic for a different time.”  

Nowhere does Kirk state why. It’s likely someone made up the second half of the quote just to make him look better, and the people wanting to defend him ran with it. This is why you cannot use social media for your source of news. Anyone can make up anything and claim it as truth. Do your research. Look for the source.

There is one quote by Kirk that I do agree with: “When civilizations stop talking, civil war ensues.” But we need to go further. It’s not enough to talk – or yell – at one another when we don’t agree, trying to shame the other party into changing their minds to what we consider is the “right” way of thinking. We need to actively listen, to understand where the other person is coming from, to empathize with them.

The manufactured quote states sympathy is a better word. I disagree. Sympathy is very surface level. It’s “Oh, I’m sorry,” and moving on with your life or trying to make the person who’s hurting look on the bright side, not even realizing that it’s like discounting that person’s pain. Empathy is trying to put yourself in another person’s shoes. It is working to understand how they’re feeling. No, you will never fully know what another person is going through, but you can try. 

But our society doesn’t want to try. Empathy is hard. Empathy is work. It is a skill that must be honed like a muscle. Sympathy is easy, and hatred even easier. It’s much easier to demonize someone, because then you don’t have to do the work to understand why another human being would think the way that they do, what caused them to come to the conclusions that they have.

I also noticed that mainstream media barely even covered the school shooting that happened the same day that Kirk was shot. Why? Because they know what sells: politics and hatred, because, once again, it’s so much easier to demonize someone, to blame another for our problems, to call them a stupid and/or hateful person, instead of empathizing with them and finding that the truth, like humanity, is usually much more complex. Social media like Facebook perpetuates this, as well, by creating echo chambers where you’re not even able to hear what the other side is saying unless it’s framed by your side as an attack. It makes it that much easier to demonize the other side, as if it wasn’t already easy enough.

Unless we as a country work to start empathizing with each other, to see each other as human beings instead of the enemy, I fear Kirk’s words will come to pass, that civil war will be in our future.

P.S. One last note, regarding Selena’s son losing his faith – I also struggled with my religious belief when I attended college, not because college “indoctrinated” me, but because of the intolerance that I saw there from other Christians. It made me think, “If this is what being Christian is really about, do I really want to be one?” It took recognizing that the actions of these people, who use their religion as a justification for their hatred, don’t reflect the actual love of God. It may be that Voss’s son is going through similar struggles, and I pray that he’ll find someone who’s willing to listen without judgment, understand and address his concerns – to empathize with him – who could then help guide him back onto the path of faith.