Lois Lane’s 2¢

It’s been awhile since Lois Lane has put in her two cents, and she’s thinking she should try to do so on a more regular basis. Her excuse is that she sleeps about 21 hours each day. Of course Lois Lane is my cat — I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned that before, but I have a VERY opinionated cat … when she’s awake.
Anyway, I’ll break you (my solo reader – hi, mom!) in easy. This will be a fairly short one.
First off a bit of a belated “Congrats” to the fifth place girls basketball team. It was a lot of fun keeping up with you throughout the season and I think most of the county thanks you as well, for allowing them to have the “State Tourney Experience.”
It seems there’s been a lot of bad news in the news lately. Makes one wonder what the blankety-blank brought our society to this sad state? Bad news is expected nationally, but locally, it’s not. Seems like it’s commonplace anymore to learn of so-called parents abusing and too often ultimately killing their children or their step-children or live-in’s children. I can’t begin to understand what is wrong with these people. And don’t try to blame drugs — “I was so messed up on meth I didn’t notice my kid was dead.” — this is not an excuse. It’s just disgusting.
These murderers should be at the very least locked in a very small cell for the rest of their miserable lives, I don’t even think we need to waste public money giving them a trial. Whether they “directly” were responsible for a death or not, they are still guilty — they were supposed to be responsible for the protection of that child. And what about the others involved? There’s always someone who “should have known” after the fact. Parent or not, as an adult, YOU have the responsibility to report bad situations in which children are forced to reside.
I swear, the ability to decipher right from wrong has gone the way of the rotary phone.
On the other side of the spectrum, you have those few instances of true sacrifice for another human as in the case with the heroes who gave their lives to the Big Sioux so that a child may live. Whether or not these two actually were responsible for saving this boy is irrelevant in my eyes. They both died tragically, but they died heroically and deserve to be remembered as such.
Emergency responders’ advice is to never enter the water in a situation like that, and from a practical standpoint, this is true. One is supposed to throw the victim a flotation device or reach something in toward them to grab onto. Yet, in a life-or-death, split second decision, where life preservers or 10-foot poles are not readily available, the selfless will almost always jump in. While marking the spot of entry and calling 911, may lessen the body count, in freezing water, that kind of time isn’t usually available.
Well, Lois is out of practice at this and has decided she’s been awake long enough. Here is a little something we borrowed and found entertaining:
These are from a book called, “Disorder in the American Courts,” and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters, who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: “What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?”
WITNESS: “He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’”
ATTORNEY: “And why did that upset you?”
WITNESS: “My name is Susan!”

ATTORNEY: “What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?”
WITNESS: “Gucci sweats and Reeboks.”

ATTORNEY: “Are you sexually active?”
WITNESS: “No, I just lie there.”

ATTORNEY: “This myasthenia gravis… does it affect your memory at all?”
ATTORNEY: “And in what ways does it affect your memory?”
WITNESS: “I forget.”
ATTORNEY: “You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?”

ATTORNEY: “Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?”
WITNESS: “We both do.”
ATTORNEY: “Voodoo?”
WITNESS: “We do.”
ATTORNEY: “You do?”
WITNESS: “Yes, voodoo!”

ATTORNEY: “Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?”
WITNESS: “Did you actually pass the bar exam?”

ATTORNEY: “The younger son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?”
WITNESS: “He’s 20, much like your IQ.”

ATTORNEY: “Were you present when your picture was taken?”
WITNESS: “Are you ****ing me?”

ATTORNEY: “She had three children, right?”
ATTORNEY: “How many were boys?”
WITNESS: “None.”
ATTORNEY: “Were there any girls?”
WITNESS: “Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?”

ATTORNEY: “How was your first marriage terminated?”
WITNESS: “By death!”
ATTORNEY: “And by whose death was it terminated?”
WITNESS: “Take a guess!”

ATTORNEY: “Can you describe the individual?”
WITNESS: “He was about medium height and had a beard.”
ATTORNEY: “Was this a male or a female?”
WITNESS: “Unless the Circus was in town, I’m going with male.”

ATTORNEY: “Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?”
WITNESS: “All of them! The live ones put up too much of a fight.”

ATTORNEY: “ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?”
WITNESS: “Oral!”

ATTORNEY: “Do you recall the time that you examined the body?”
WITNESS: “The autopsy started around 8:30 PM.”
ATTORNEY: “And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?”
WITNESS: “If not, he was by the time I finished.”

ATTORNEY: “Are you qualified to give a urine sample?”
WITNESS: “Are you qualified to ask that question?”

ATTORNEY: “Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?”
ATTORNEY: “Did you check for blood pressure?”
ATTORNEY: “Did you check for breathing?”
ATTORNEY: “So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?”
ATTORNEY: “How can you be so sure, Doctor?”
WITNESS: “Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.”
ATTORNEY: “I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?”
WITNESS: “Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law!”

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