Letters to the Editor

After many, many years of verbal, or editorial abuse, from her sister, Dee Baby, Gay recently came across a letter Dee had written to her, many, many years ago, when they both belonged to TOPS.  She didn’t start writing her column “From the Barnyard” until about 2004, but this letter will show that her writing ability started way before then.  Enjoy!!!
The editorial abused sister,  Gay

I’m sure you’ve heard of the Gangster Chronicles, well this is entitled the
“Fat Chronicles”
Dedicated to Gay Swenson Tops’ Leader
“My first week in the
Fat War”
By Dee Sandness
Monday, Jan. 26: I am fat, I am fat, yes, I am fat. Admit it, the pants aren’t shrinking, the body mass is increasing. The brain says to go back  to Tops (and find a friend to go with you, coward.) Can I face Gay?
Tuesday, Jan. 27: My last splurge of human food as I’ve known it (meatloaf). Linda reminds me ketchup is 52 calories a tablespoon. I may bite her. I use at least a half cup. An acquaintance calls me water buffalo. I resolve to make him eat crow in a month.

DEE “BABY” Baysinger working in sister Gay’s melon fields, circa ???.

Wednesday, Jan. 28: I manage one day of dieting. Why does it seem like a year-long? I look in the mirror 10 times expecting my pants to look baggy. Dreamer! I become excited over three heads of lettuce for a dollar.
Thursday, Jan. 29: Had my first “Fat Nighmare”. I dream Linda and I go to Mitchell, order a slice of meat at Shopko and were served a 10-section smorgasbord plate. We eat, not wanting food to go to waste. I’m sick we’ve blown our diet so soon and together! Pray this is not an omen of things to come.
Friday, Jan. 30: Everyone begins to look as if they should lose weight too. I decide to hate thin people, especially rich ones. I lose my composure gazing at dressing covered in gravy.
Saturday, Jan. 31: Self-doubt about living through the weekend. Suicide might be preferable but could a bullet penetrate this fat?
Sunday, Feb. 1: Working at L-K surrounded by an ocean of food and drink. A living torture! Caramel rolls, caramel rolls, caramel rolls.
Monday, Feb. 2: Go to bed hungry, get up hungry, a vicious cycle. The week is almost up. My dieting resolve still strong. Linda and are excited!
Tuesday, Feb. 3: Today is the day. Have not weighed all week on a scale. Mine is a notorious liar on any portion of floor. Can hardly wait until 6 o’clock.
Ending: But wait, I did as you know ‘cuz after all that, I missed the  weigh-in. And so the agonizing diet story goes on, and on, etc.
Signed,
Mean to be Lean
Dee

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