View from the Barnyard

Car 56R-777

You, female driver with a dirty white car (it’s not the dirt that offends me) I’m calling you out. Georgia and I followed you from Woony to the three-mile corner as you crossed the center line and outside line multiple times. We were convinced you were a drunk driver and were afraid to pass you. We contemplated calling 911 and were wishing we had Sheriff Fridley’s number. Imagine our disgust when we pulled alongside and discovered you were a damn texter! Georgia wanted me to cut you off so she could grab your phone and throw it as far as she could or better yet, jump up and down on it ‘til it was obliterated. If you kill a family, will that be worth the texting for you, finally?
Oh, yes, I did take in the controversial movie “50 Shades of Grey.” I was undecided if I should go alone in a disguise with just my bag of buttered popcorn, but opted to take a van full of women. (Safety in numbers.) I read all three books and the movie just covered the tip of the iceberg on the dominant/submissive issue. The actress got the raw end of the deal (literally) with full frontal nudity. I’m sure she wouldn’t care to have her parents or future children ever see it. I really don’t relate to being a submissive and allowing someone to whip my bare behind. I’m not into pain. She had a code word “red” to say stop. After the first swat, I would have been out of there yelling, “Red, red, red!” Of course, I’ll be there at the sequel.
Speaking of code words, Gay and I were driving near St. Louis for Corey’s retirement when Claude called highly excited about the price he got for selling some cattle. I said, “Well, maybe when I get home, we should take a trip to ‘Weinerville’ to celebrate.” I could see Gay’s wheels in her head turning, turning. Finally she asked, “Weinerville, is that near Mt. Vernon?” I really love my sister and her purity. But then again, when I related to her that when I drink beer, it immediately plugs up my nose because of the hops or yeast, she said, “I can tell people then that you have a yeast infection?”
The blue heeler killed his first snake on Sunday and I started to rake the yard. Claude won’t let me burn leaves this year ‘cuz it’s so stinking dry and that is the best part of the whole raking process.
Dee Baby

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